put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
