Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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