Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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