A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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