Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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