i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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