My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
