i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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