i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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