All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just want to make out with him forever
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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