she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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