i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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