guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
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