i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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