....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
