the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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