also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
