It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
