First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
