A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
