Nicole vs. Life
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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