We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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