its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
