are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
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I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
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What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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