You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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