Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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