even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
