it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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