My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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