Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
