the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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