How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
