porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Randomize
