I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Randomize
