I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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