New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
