I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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