she looked like the bat from fern gully.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
