How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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