I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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