Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
