how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
