a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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