I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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