I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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