you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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