What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
