yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
you made out with another girl for some wings
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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