I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
