dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
