What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
