Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
