# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
