she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
No stitches, just platelets and will power
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
