I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I am available for nakedness
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
