Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
